Parental Deschooling: Finding Your Non-School Normal

We know that kids who have been in a rich environment of literacy can begin reading later and be just fine.

We know that even of the few homeschoolers who start out with school desks in their home, most pretty quickly abandon them for something more homey because kids like to learn sprawled across the floor, in a tent under the dining room table, in the tree house, at a computer desk, and in bed. Oh yes, and at the proverbial kitchen table.

And—a whole lot more learning takes place in the car and in the community than non-homeschoolers realize.

We know that homeschooled kids get ready for college and career, sometimes with no testing and grades, sometimes with very little testing and few grades, and sometimes with much later testing and grades only in high school.

We know that kids can learn facts not just through rote memorization, but also through art and arguing and auto repair.

We know that it doesn't take eight hours to "do school" and we don't have to start at eight o'clock.

We know that sometimes, giving the kid the answer key is the right thing to do, having known many a homeschooler who has worked backward through difficult algebra problems.

However, even as experienced homeschool moms can tell you all these things they have discovered, you will find you still have to personally deschool, because the school defaults run so deep in most of us.

Less experienced homeschool moms often feel crisis after crisis as they encounter the need to cast away school defaults one after another.

But this is such a complete curriculum. And it was so expensive!

We will not be like those lax homeschoolers. We'll start by 7 a.m.

We're using a chart for reading. Ten points for every on-grade-level book, and when he reaches 100 points, he'll get to choose a prize.

We'll do one lesson every day in every subject.

Then it turns out that the expensive, complete curriculum is a bust, because your child doesn't have the learning style the curriculum depends on. It turns out that you accomplish so much in several hours a day, that there is no need to start at 7 a.m. It turns out that incentive plans often backfire, demotivating kids instead of motivating them. It turns out that your kid loves the lesson on Ancient Egypt, so you can't resist studying it alongside her for weeks.

But what about the curriculum? The schedule? The rewards chart? The lesson plans?

You're homeschooling!

Renegotiating Your Relationship to School Norms

As you deschool, you'll find that your task is to renegotiate your relationship to school norms.

Some homeschooling parents will find that starting at 7 a.m. really does work for their family, and they'll keep doing it—not because their neighborhood school starts then, but because it fits. Other families will find that the early start was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea: Mom is a night owl, the baby needs attention at that hour, or the kids get too tired later in the day if they start that early.

Some moms will abandon behavior modification techniques like rewards charts; others will come to rely on them.

Some moms will take the interest in Ancient Egypt as a cue to use unit studies as their homeschooling style. Others will see it as the onset of eclectic homeschooling or unschooling. Others will see it as a way for curriculum to fuel interests and set positive agendas—evidence that this is a great curriculum that works!

As you deschool yourself as a parent, you'll find answers about how to help your children learn outside of the school model.

You'll realize it's okay to question institutional approaches to education, since your child is learning in a family, not an institution.

(Note: Learn more about How To Start Homeschooling by reading about the deschooling period children go through and tips for deschooling children. )

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