For children starting homeschooling after an experience in a traditional school setting, deschooling is an important part of the transition. In an earlier post, we answered the question "what is deschooling?" and discussed how it might manifest in children transitioning from school to homeschooling. Knowing about deschooling helps parents to have realistic expectations about their children's adjustment to homeschooling after they have attended school.
Today, we'll take a look at how to start homeschooling after a traditional school experience with tips for deschooling:
- Tell your child about deschooling. Be honest that homeschooling has a "break-in" period while the family gets used to the new dynamics. Explain that during this time, your homeschooling will be developing, and it won't look the same now as it will in a year or so. If you intend to allow this (and please do), tell your child that she or he will be able to make suggestions about how homeschooling will go. However, remember that kids respond differently to this—some want to have influence right away, while others may find it overwhelming after not having much input when they were school students. You may hear some "just-tell-me-what-to-do" as you attempt to get your child involved.
- Go easy on the curriculum or formal academics. Give your child a break from formal, school-like lessons. If you need your child to complete some "work" so you'll feel better, or if your child feels this way, you can certainly have some "school work." Keep in mind, though, that discovering the curriculum or learning style that will work best for your child is a process, and deschooling will help you identify what will be most effective. Don't spend a bucket of money on a curriculum at the outset. And remember that if you put yourself in the position of a classroom teacher, enforcing work that must be completed right from the beginning, you may get a lot of pushback from a child not used to seeing you in this role.
- Go places. One of the best things to do during deschooling is to use the new freedom to explore the world. Visit museums, historic sites, and galleries. Attend concerts, plays, and sporting events. Let your child help pick where to go and how long to stay. This experience in autonomy is a great way to help your child embrace the benefits of homeschooling.
- Find homeschoolers. Network on Facebook, homeschooling email lists, or through your state homeschool organization to find other homeschoolers. Ask your librarian where the homeschoolers are. Look for a Not Back To School event in your area, and if there isn't one, organize one yourself and invite others. Keep in mind that not every homeschool group fits every homeschooler. You may have to visit several groups before you find people you are comfortable with, or you may have to visit the same group multiple times. Homeschoolers are notorious for being unable to attend everything they'd like to—so your child's new best friend (or yours) might be coming to the next park day.
- Create, build, and engineer. Encourage your child to make art. Stock up on paints, clay, and craft supplies. Tell stories or write down your child's stories and make them into little books. If he's always wanted to build a workbench or fort or raft, now is the time to go to the hardware store, get the supplies, and start building. Let the figuring-out-how-to-do-it be the homeschooling.
- Get back to nature. Visit your nearest natural area. Take a picnic, a camera, binoculars, a sketchbook—anything that might more fully connect your child to the outdoors. Use field guides to identify wildlife; set up a bird feeder and start a list of birds you see there.
- Get moving. Find ways to increase physical activity—hiking, swimming, backyard play, neighborhood walks, organized sports, or pickup games. A gym or YMCA nearby may have a daytime homeschool program you haven't discovered yet. Small-town gyms may let your child work out with you under your direct supervision, depending on the age and maturity of the child. Try competitive and non-competitive approaches to activity to see what interests your child.
- Go to the library. Now your child has more relaxed time to browse, get to know the resources, and chat with the librarian. Let your child select books and audiobooks. If your child has not been doing much independent reading, try pairing a book and its movie adaptation—which are probably both available at your library.
- Read, read, read. Read aloud. You can try a snuggly version of reading—in bed or on the couch, but you can also read aloud while a child is building with Lego bricks or digging in the dirt. The deschooling period is a great time to model reading, as well. Let your child see you reading your own materials—novels, magazines, and news.
- Volunteer. Find an area of interest and volunteer alongside your child. Many homeschoolers start out as parent/child dog walking teams at the local animal shelter, and you will find other great ways to help others through your church or a community organization. Service work is a great way for your child to develop compassion, feel herself doing something worthwhile in the world, and get connected to new people and concerns.
- Watch documentaries and educational TV. A lot of kids have interests in topics covered by television programs on The History Channel, NOVA, and PBS. Now they have time to watch and learn about black holes, earthquakes, and the black plague. If you use an inquiry-based approach with your child, you'll find that a lot of learning has taken place—and you haven't even taught a lesson! And, I admit it, a lot of homeschooling is done via Mythbusters. It's never too early to start watching that show together and talking about the concepts and how the guys do their analysis. It's the scientific method!
- Use the internet. Share interesting websites with your child. If age-appropriate, encourage him to search areas of interest and send you links to articles and videos. Make an interesting routine of checking an eagle cam or a panda cam. Watch TED talks. Try out some online games and educational sites. Discuss internet safety and responsibility.
- Connect with relatives and other important people. Take advantage of the no-school routine to spend more time with grandparents, other relatives, and those close family friends who are especially meaningful to your kids. Your child might want to create a blog for family and friends to keep them informed about the interesting activities you're doing together. Children who leave school may perceive a void at first because their days are not filled with the number of people they saw in school. They will still play with neighborhood friends and see folks in Scouts or other activities, and they will keep up with their closest friends from school. They will make new friends in the homeschooling community. However, there is no substitute for a loving grandparent or special auntie—and it's possible that your new homeschooling schedule will allow for more visits. Being with people who care about you is an especially good way to cope with transitions, and it helps kids realize the benefits and joy of cultivating high-quality relationships rather than just having a high quantity of acquaintances. Of course, if your relatives are not supportive of homeschooling, you may have a different situation and, sadly, find you need to limit time with them so they don't undermine your new efforts. And let's just say that even referring to "deschooling" with them might create more problems that it's worth, so you don't have to share everything!
- Cook and housekeep together. Children in school may have chores, but because they are gone from their homes 8 - 10 hours a day, they may become disconnected from the ways their contributions keep the household going. During deschooling, you may find value in the opportunity to plan meals with your daughter or son, shop for ingredients, cook together, and eat meals the child has contributed to. Learning life skills is grounding for a child. Take the time during deschooling to incorporate your child into the life and work of the home. This shouldn't be just about cleaning bathrooms but also about your child affecting the environment with her creativity and initiative—can she help design a reading niche in the living room? Can he pick wildflowers for the table?
As children adjust to being out of school, parents see patterns emerge about how they learn, what their strengths and weaknesses are, their highest functioning times of day, and what their natural areas of interest are. This helps parents decide how to move forward with homeschooling—what homeschooling style to choose, what curriculum (if any), and what kind of schedule and environment might work best.
A parent can make the most of what she learns during a child's deschooling period if she's also deschooling herself. That's right, parents also need to deschool—and it might be more important for parents than students!
A popular speaker at homeschooling conferences, business groups, and parents’ groups, Jeanne Potts Faulconer homeschooled her three sons in North Carolina, Mississippi, and Virginia for twenty years. Holding her Master of Arts degree in Communication, Jeanne conducted portfolio evaluations for Virginia homeschoolers for evidence of progress for many years. Jeanne is a former college faculty member, former editor for several publications, news correspondent for WCVE, and former director of Brave Learner Home. She is the contributing editor for TheHomeSchoolMom newsletter and writes the popular Ask Jeanne column addressing homeschool parents' questions here at TheHomeSchoolMom.
Hello there
This is my first year deschooling my kids, and I am very nervous about it. Thank you for these tips, they helped me a lot!
You know, I think the struggle with the word "deschooling" is that the word itself tells you "not school," but it doesn't tell you what to do instead! So it helps to have some solid ideas of things to do that are "not school" but are healthy and productive and get the mind, heart, and body working well. That's what helps create a transition to homeschooling. I'm glad you found the tips helpful!
Wow. I am so moved by this. I feel this philosophy in my gut but it is so hard with outside expectations to lean into that. Thank you for this validation. It’s opened my eyes to the things right in front of me.
Hi Amanda,
The pressure to conform to outside expectations is strong, right? Especially with "school," which has its clear conventions that we have been, well, "schooled" in for our whole lives.
And you know what, if it makes you or your child feel more secure or just "better" about starting to homeschool, feel free to incorporate some schooly things. This does not have to be all or nothing. There is no dogma to deschooling or homeschooling that is more important than the dynamics of your family.
That said, if you leave generous time for some of the activities we're suggesting, you'll likely begin to feel the power of deschooling and see the benefits start to show up both in daily life and in your child's "mind life." You'll begin to make observations about your child's interests, the ways learning seems to work best for that child.
That feeling in your gut, that sense of your eyes opening, may then be borne out by your own experience and your child's experience as you dabble in deschooling.
Then you'll be better able to ground your child's education in that personal lived experience rather than the basketful of automatic expectations we carry with us from school.
Some of the automatic expectations based on school may have value for your family, and some may be too "one-size-fits-all" to carry over into your homeschooling. This is your chance to begin creating a hand-crafted, custom education for your child, using what works and skipping what doesn't work—which can feel pretty remarkable.
Welcome to homeschooling!
Looking forward,
Jeanne
Hi. I've been reading your info on deschooling and sounds good but do you have any suggestions for things to do with high schoolers, both TOTALLY different in their learning process and interests. One is a slower learner than the other. One is more of a Hands On/ Visual type learner and one learns ok with computer learning. The hands on learner does better with pencil and paper learner than computer lessons. Both have been put into homeschool learning basically because of bullying at school and this was the decision that has been made. Suggestions will be read and your time appreciated.
Well, for deschooling them (helping with the transition from school to homeschool), I would probably be looking at things they enjoy doing and what interests them rather than how they prefer to learn. So, perhaps one of them is interested in mechanical and engineering things and one is interested in music. During a deschooling period, I'd see if first one would like to design, build or repair things, and I'd try to provide that opportunity. It could be anything from doing robotics with friends to working on a project with a mentor to going to a museum that features that kind of stuff. Maybe the music guy would be interested in going to concerts or music stores or learning to play a new instrument.
So you would want to allow them to "marry" their preferred learning style to their interest during a deschooling period. For example, if the visual and hands-on learner is the one who is musical (I just used music as the example - it could be any topic), then learning a new instrument (or even building one) could be great. If the one who likes to use a computer is the one interested in mechanical stuff, then he could read online articles about engineering, physics, and mechanics & physical science (motors, gears, etc.) watch online videos to learn more. (Again, that topic is just an example. You would use your teen's actual interests).
If you are talking about trying to find a curriculum or a way for them to learn traditional subjects right away, then you are probably not talking about deschooling. At the high school level, it's challenging for both parents and teens to be patient enough to deschool—everyone is pretty convinced you have to jump right in to curriculum. And that's okay if it makes you or them feel more on track.
But one aspect of the deschooling process is indeed to give a little space before (or instead of) jumping into something you decide is "the real thing" so kids can relax into their interests in whatever way they want, with an adult to guide them and provide resources.
Try jotting down the things you see them doing or interested in when they are on their own, and ask them what they'd be interested in doing or learning. That would be your deschooling.
It sounds like you may also be interested in learning more about homeschooling styles or approaches that might match the ways they prefer to learn.
I'm sorry they experienced bullying at school and hope homeschooling proves to be a good experience for all of you. You are asking great questions and just have some more reading and observing (your kids) to do to get the hang of it. Keep going!
Looking forward,
Jeanne
I agree with everyone this article was very helpful. I have heard the term deschooling later in our homeschool journey but really didn't look into it. But now I feel I should try it. The problem is I have a 9 th grader who wants to play college sports so all his classes has to be NCAA approved. So these next 4 year are really important and I don't see how I can deschool him now without making sure he does earn his 16 credits that's need. It's a bit stressful. I'm a single mom who works full time. I do have a 6 th grader who definitely can benefit from it though. Any suggestions would be great
The NCAA struggle is real, Trice. I have heard of some homeschoolers moving along "two tracks." They do a hoop-jumping version of a course to meet all the NCAA requirements, and they do learning that they find personally effective on the side as well. Of course, for a kid who is probably also spending a ton of time practicing their sport and participating in competitions, this is hard to fit in.
It helped me a little to understand the idea behind the NCAA requirements, which are intended to make sure that kids are NOT just "passed through" without meaningful education just because they are good athletes. Unfortunately, to homeschoolers, sometimes the requirements can seem to make learning less interesting or effective - there is not a deschooling element to it because they are reacting to practices where student athletes have not received good educations or where requirements were applied with favoritism toward the most promising or talented athletes.
I would look for online support from other parents who have homeschooled kids going down the NCAA route. There are several good Facebook groups that have great information and camaraderie. That may help!
Looking forward,
Jeanne
Thank you so much from the core of my heart. This article was not only informative, it was life changing in my way of thinking. It has answered so many questions and given me not just knowledge...it has given me wisdom. I am now able to let go of the guilt and move forward with faith.
I am implementing homeschooling for my 2 high school girls. How long should the deschooling process be for?
Hi Kisha - Although it is dependent on the students and how quickly they adjust, the general rule is to deschool one month for every year your child has been in school. For more information, you can search for our post "From School to Homeschool: What is Deschooling?" which lists some of things you might see during the deschooling period.
Hands down one of the best articles I've ever read about homeschooling. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. This is what all homeschool parents need to hear!
Thank you for the kind words!
I was a public school teacher, then stay at home mom, and then back to teaching shortly after we moved to our rural area. I found the rural school to be a poor fit for my children and decided we would be staying home next year. Then the year suddenly became extremely stressful at home and school, so I chose to pull my kids out and resign in mid March. It was very difficult to do. But I was excited because it was going to provide me with the time I wanted to deschool (for me and the kids) before enrolling them in a home charter for next year. Then two days after I resigned everything shutdown. So we are deschooling during this time, but there are no field trips to interesting places, no road trips to grandmas in other states, no day trips to the beach, and no visiting the library. It isn't quite what I imagined. I did explain to my oldest that we were deschooling, and I told all my kids that what we are doing is very light in accademics and will be different from next year when they have curriculum. They are relaxing and I am trying not to push them. I have some basic review work set for them to do in the mornings and they have computer programs to use, but I'm not forcing much and we're taking Fridays off completely. I hope we have a good transition in August when we begin the new year. They will be in 5th, 2nd, and Kinder.
I have my daughters in a charter where we check in once a month with our education specialist. It’s my eldest second year (8th gr) and my youngest first (4th gr). They do no like the check in’s because we have to talk about and feel we have to prove we’re doing something. It’s made it hard to feel like I can properly deschool which ads to my stress as I deschool myself. I want my girls to love learning and exploration, and apply that to their studies in due time. Do I just need to have yet another conversation with the ES?
Hi Rebekah,
Charter schools where kids learn at home (or mostly at home) are different from brick and mortar schools, but they are not the same as homeschooling independently, and you have hit on one of the reasons why that can be the case. Many parents and kids alike do find that doing required check-ins and proving "we're doing something" can interfere with the kids' natural passion for learning. Of course, other people feel that (a)the charter school check-ins make sure kids aren't falling through the cracks and (b)the charter school check-ins help to justify public tax money being involved in the education process. This is a hotly debated topic.
You can read more about hybrid education or hybrid homeschooling to understand more.
Different charter schools have different rules and different expectations by administrators. Different states have different laws governing charters. The charter you are a part of may be required by state law to have certain check-ins or requirements for students. Your charter may just have its own rules, or it may have administrators who are more or less flexible. Sometimes parents can influence some charter school administrators by saying, "This doesn't work for us, and here is why," while presenting good information about how some kinds of assessments interfere with learning. Sometimes administrators do not find these arguments to be persuasive, in part because they may understand that receiving funding may be dependent on following certain rules.
So yes, you can have a conversation with your administrator or teacher, but you cannot be sure they will understand your point of view. In fact, more than one school administrator has been shocked at the idea of "deschooling," even if a parent takes care not to use the term, which school personnel may find offensive. Many school administrators would be more concerned about kids getting "behind" and would not think it justifies kids taking a deschooling break to recapture their love of learning.
When parents find themselves in inflexible charter school situations, some of them may find the tradeoff personally worth it. They get money and perhaps other resources in exchange for those check-ins. Other parents do not find the tradeoff worth it. They end up leaving the charter school to homeschool independently, so their kids can truly deschool and rekindle their passion for learning. And some parents find they can either influence school officials or find alternative ways to show progress that interfere with learning less. For example, using a portfolio might be an alternative that is less stressful for some families.
You're not alone in finding this situation challenging. You'll have to think about what will work best for your family. Some schools are motivated not to "lose" families, so maybe they will hear your concerns.
Good luck!
Jeanne
Thank you for this. I’m going to start homeschooling next year and have been going nuts looking into every aspect of homeschooling from unschooling all the way to structured, classical homeschooling. I’ve been stressing like crazy, trying to figure out how to make sure my son (7 when we begin) is going to learn everything he needs to learn. I keep coming to the idea that we’ll just go to the library, discuss things we read, and do a lot of lapbooks on some of the topics we read. I need to take a breather, stop freaking out a year in advance and just go with the flow when time comes.
Hi Danielle,
You've got the essence of homeschooling in your idea: "We'll just go to the library, discuss things we read, and do a lot of lapbooks on some of the topics we need." Yes! Do that along with some of the ideas in this article, and you will live into developing the homeschool you want for your child. Keep in mind that no parent or teacher can "make sure" any child "is going to learn everything he needs to learn." Number one, you can't see the future, and what a child "needs to learn" is going to change over that future. Number two, every type of education leaves "gaps." What we can hope for is having a child who will learn how to learn what she needs to know. Developing your homeschool over time, so that it meets the real-time needs of your child, will help your child learn how to learn.
So yep - take a breather and stop freaking out. Deschooling is the key!
Good luck,
Jeanne
I have a question based out of Colorado. We have had many move and and divorce and as a result had a hard time finding a school to take her as both parents are having to reside with family and being that we share custody and the area we are in had give us a hard to enrolling her in school. So I have been i the mean time doing the whole homeschool thing on my own. I am concerned now because I have been getting mixed reviews from friends and family stating that may not be enough. I have tried to get through to the board of education through Colorado and have had no success. I did try to enroll her to some online schools and hit numerous road blocks because it was mid semester and the free tuition turned into not so free. Is what I am doing okay, or do I need to do more? Thanks for any assistance given!
Single and doing it alone
Every state has its own homeschool laws, and each parent needs to look into the laws of her state and comply with those laws; otherwise, you could face truancy charges.
Usually school boards, including state school boards, are not the best at providing information to homeschoolers. You need to contact your state homeschooling organization and look for information about what you need to do.
Not being able to enroll easily, moving a lot, or family problems won't excuse you from compulsory attendance laws. In some states you don't need to register or test; in other states you do.
Use this link to find homeschool groups in your state which should have information specific to the laws you need to follow.
https://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/local-support/
Once you make sure you have done everything legally, you will feel more confident. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this article! I have been feeling like such a failure because I kept thinking I needed to be that teacher role. This has opened my eyes to how much fun my kids and I get to have!! So thank you so very much!
Hi Beverli! Yes! You and your kids can have fun together while doing legitimate learning! You can be PARTNERS in education.
Of course, since you are the one with experience and are the responsible adult, it is up to you to be committed to find the resources and make sure the learning is happening.
BUT there is no reason that that has to "look like" what goes on in school. You can have on-theme "book parties" when you finish a book; you can learn history through field trips and videos; you can see what your child is interested in and take off on reading and writing about that interest.
Deschooling helps you figure out your child's interests and best ways of learning. It re-ignites curiosity and allows you to renew the connection between you and your child.
Enjoy!
This is so helpful.
I've just started homeschooling my son last week! The only thing is that he's starting high school, so he's very concerned that he's not doing enough. Being high school we can't exactly spend all day doing arts and crafts, however I am starting off pretty relaxed. This bothers him a little as he is on the autism spectrum and likes rigidity. We are BOTH going through deschooling, especially since I used to be a classroom teacher.
I hope you see this comment and have some advice. Otherwise, this article is very helpful. I'll be sharing it with him.
Hi Debbie. As you have probably found, deschooling and then finding what's "right" for each child may mean that a family finds something different for a child on the autism spectrum.
The key is not eliminating structure, but reducing the impact of pre-conceived notions of what "school" should look like when it's done at home. Some kids do better with different approaches. Many request structure and expectations or simply show they thrive on that. But in homeschooling, we might find that we can structure time or the environment and not lessons. Or lessons and time. Or chores but not lessons. And so on. We don't have to do what looks like school. If our kid wants to read huge nonfiction books instead of textbooks, that's ok.
The idea is to find what works for you and your child without being stuck in the box of what school looks like.
However, it's not at all unusual for the transition to be difficult for older kids, especially those in high school. He might indeed feel he can't do crafts all day, but, for example, an older kid may be able to do other kinds of projects. For example, maybe he could participate in some kind of citizen science project (bird count? stream water monitoring?) or build a computer. There are high school versions of "out of the box" that can be helpful with transitions as well.
Hope you are enjoying homeschooling!
This is SO GOOD! I've homeschooled for 11 years and this is exactly what I tell people who are just starting out! Great article!
Thank you very much indeed.in my country we lack such informations.
There were SO many great ideas I could be doing with my little ones while we are in the beginnings of Homeschooling. I'm going to have to read this again and make a list!! Thank you so much for this post!
I love these tips. We will start homeschooling next year. I would love to share this post on my blog. Thank you!
I am so thankful to have read this article. Thank you very very much. I love the ideas you've given, but mostly I love the idea and (necessity) of deschooling. I'll absolutely be putting it into practice.
Thanks again!
thank you for this article: How to Start Homeschooling: Tips for Deschooling. This is such a great help for me as a Mom for an eight year old daughter. I pulled her out on a traditional school last month. It was a major decision that I need to make and need a lot of explanation to my kid. Well, this is very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you
Me too.
I just pulled my 9 year old son out of 3rd grade. This site is helping immensely!! Thank you, again.
I'm so happy when people say they're finding info they need at TheHomeSchoolMom. Info and support are big helps for homeschooling!
i need to find out which type of homeschool would be right for my son, he has a learning disability so im not for sure how to start his homeschooling. please someone email me so i can give you my number because i\ need to ask quesions please
thank you
Hi Teresa - We are unfortunately unable to offer personal consultations. You might find the information in our Homeschooling 101 area helpful (see the link in the top navigation bar).