I'm a new homeschool mom with an eight year old who is really advanced in his academic skills. My problem is that the people who run the classes and co-ops we're interested in won't let me sign him up above his age group. This includes our county recreation department, the local history museum, and activities sponsored by our local homeschool group. How can I get them to place him correctly so he won't be bored?
This is one of the reasons we took him out of school. He started reading and writing at an early age, and he got in trouble in school because he already knew how to do everything they were working on in the classroom. I'm frustrated that people don't seem to accept that he is gifted and should be in higher level classes. People talk about homeschoolers being able to work at a customized level, but then they apply restrictions that are similar or identical to school. What gives?
~ Frustrated Mom
Welcome to the world of homeschooling, where everyone is scrambling to create the best possible scenarios for their own children and many are trying to create welcoming classes and activities that work for groups of kids and their parents.
First, know that many parents have shared your frustration. Lots of parents start homeschooling because their child is ahead in school but not learning new material or skills, and they look forward to being able to help their child learn at his or her own individualized level. Frankly it is just as much a problem for a child who was behind in school, and the parents find the child doesn't fit grade level expectations for outside activities in the homeschool world or general community.
I am a strong advocate for the point of view that grade level doesn't matter most of the time, but of course an exception is when you are placing your child in an activity or class that uses grade levels or ages to group children or to qualify for participation.
Perception
Let's address a perception problem first. And by that I mean how you as a parent are going to be perceived.
While you may have had to come on very strong when your child was in school as an advocate for your child to be placed correctly in that publicly funded setting, you need to realize that activities run by private individuals, nonprofits, churches, and formal or informal groups of homeschooling parents, are not beholden to you as a taxpayer.
Organizers of these activities have created them either to serve the homeschool community, benefit their own children, use excess capacity (as in a business that discovers the homeschooling niche and offers day-time classes during the school year), and/or earn a profit. If they have been running a class or activity for many years, they have found the formula they want to use. They have refined their class descriptions and age groupings to serve those they want to serve.
These activity organizers may have decided to be flexible because they are willing to take the time to work with parents on special placement, or they may have decided to hold the line with age or grade groupings, because they have found that this works best for their scenario.
It may seem at first that flexibility is always the more compassionate and desirable approach, but I'll be honest, it's not necessarily true. For example, in the case of activities for older teens, such as homeschool dances and advanced high school seminars or discussion groups, having "advanced" tweens or middle schoolers included may truly discourage the participation of the older teens.
Developmental Readiness Vs. Academic Readiness
Parents of gifted kids may believe that because their children are advanced in skills, they should be included in these groups, without realizing that their presence may dilute the effectiveness of the group for others. Not only will it cause the older kids to stay away, but even those who attend can feel uncomfortable socially or in using their advancing critical thinking skills to explore issues through discussion. They are at different stages developmentally, even if they are at similar stages academically.
While in some ways it's easiest to see in the case of older teens, similar problems can arise down the line in age groups. Sometimes, we parents are paying so much attention to our children's attainment of skills or knowledge, that we haven't given as much thought to how our child fits - or doesn't fit - in other ways.
The bottom line is -- insisting on your child's participation in a certain group that is above or below the stated age or grade level may not get you anywhere and may make you unwelcome. These classes and groups aren't supported by your tax dollars, and you don't have any right to demand flexibility.
That said, many activities are flexible, work well with mixed age groups, or can easily be influenced to be flexible. Many business people or instructors who have little experience with homeschoolers may not know that wide age ranges and flexibility with siblings or advanced students are desired by many homeschoolers, but the businesses actually have the talent and personnel to make it work. In these cases, you can often just make a suggestion and explain the family basis of homeschooling. You aren't demanding; you are providing information about serving the community.
Understand that a lot can depend on your locale. A densely populated area may support multiple homeschool gymnastics classes or writing classes for different ages and grades. A sparsely populated area may have to use an age or grade range to have critical mass to make a single homeschool gymnastics or writing class. Be realistic about what your area can support.
Options
Sometimes a good bet is to organize an activity or class yourself, making sure that it meets your child's needs. You can write a description that explains the advanced nature of the class or announces "flexibility in ages depending on ability level." You can teach the class or hire someone to teach who will aim toward children who have higher level skills for their age or who can broaden activities and expectations for an age range that will work.
Another option to gain flexibility in existing activities is to offer to help. You might volunteer to serve the group in general -- but you might get even more willingness for your child to participate if you offer to actively assist your child in the class. This is a fine line, because you don't want to be a helicopter parent -- and some co-ops actually even use the "if-he-needs-help-to-function-in-the-class-he-doesn't-belong-in-it" criteria.
However, having homeschooled about twenty years, I have been in many co-op situations where one or more moms stayed present but in the background, ready to quietly assist a child who needs redirection or extra support in order to function in a class where she or he "mostly" fits but sometimes needs help. In general, the more formal and school-like an activity or co-op is, the less likely this is welcome -- but there are many co-ops where it's just fine. Many times, the teaching parents have homeschooled using some version of unit studies where different children in their family have learned about the same topic with different skill levels, and they are really comfortable with kids who are advanced for their age, learning a little differently, or a bit behind.
Some parents with precocious kids find benefit from resources for homeschooling gifted children, which may help you find strategies to help them learn besides the usual classes in the community.
When you look into activities for your children, find a pleasant way to ask about the age and grade specifications if you suspect your child will function better in a group that is other than his or her chronological age. You can probe some about flexibility, which may indeed be present, but you'll also benefit from respecting long held policies. Since early academic skills sometimes even out later, you may find that your child will be a good fit for this group in a year or three, and if you haven't burned your bridges, your child will be able to enjoy a future class.
Homeschooling does allow you to skip much of the rigamarole around ages and grades -- but that's when your child is learning at home. Understand that you'll encounter many different policies when you are using homeschool classes and community activities, and being an "advanced" student academically may not enable a child to participate in classes for older kids.
As a homeschooling mother of two advanced little girls AND a homeschool co-op teacher myself, I commend your well-thought-out and insightful answer. I had the same problem because my daughter, age 6 turning 7 when we joined a co-op last year, was extremely advanced academically but they could not place her in the older classes because she was NOT mature EMOTIONALLY. So, co-op heads said she had to be placed in the classes with kids her age, and honestly, despite the fact she was several years advanced in academics so the classes were ridiculously easy for her, she really was more a little BEHIND in her emotional maturity, as the heads of the co-op wisely assessed. I had to agree with them on that. She has matured a lot over the past year, and part of it was they had to teach her how to behave in class, as she has always homeschooled and was also by nature a bit immature. Regardless my daughter enjoyed her classes and grew to LOVE our weekly co-op day.
Another thing is (this is going to sound snarky, it's not intended to be at all) not all advanced kids are ready for the older kids class. I have had parents put kids into my phonics or art classes when frankly, they were not able to do the work without mucho assistance (which monopolizes the parent-teacher's time and takes focus off other kids) because they were too young and not ready (and perhaps not quite as academically advanced as the parents thought). Yes, there is a lot to placing a child in the class that's best for them.
Also, it's not always a good thing to put younger children with older ones. They can learn things that are not age appropriate.
I like to let my children be children, preserve some innocence while it lasts - heaven knows they grow up all too fast!
Thank you for telling your story, which validates the concerns we have about automatically assuming "advanced" kids should go in classes with older kids.
I do think this desire in parents springs from experience with school, which offers few choices for kids who are at different levels, so "skipping grades" is sometimes offered as a solution. As homeschoolers, though, we can accommodate advanced kids, if we have them, in so many ways. And, as you point out, there may be a lot to learn socially/emotionally with kids closer in age in a nurturing co-op setting. And while I do think an age range for classes can work well in co-ops, I have too often seen the experience of older kids (who may also be advanced for their ages!) spoiled when the range is not respected.
Thanks for stopping by!
Looking forward,
Jeanne
Hello! My question is regarding curriculum. In her 9th grade year, my daughter took Algebra 1a and after some research I see that it is basically half of what algebra 1 would cover and she would have taken algebra 1b this (her 10th) grade year. I am struggling to figure out where to pick up teaching at...do I redo the whole algebra 1 curriculum or is there a text specifically for algebra 1b? Any incite or suggestions you might have would help ?
As a teacher of home school groups, advanced skills will not always guarantee the child will fit comfortably:
Can the child discuss issues in a give-and-take atmosphere where students know how to express themselves and then let another student speak without interruption? Can the child sit through a longer class without a break? Can the child work in a group in a constructive way? These are skills that are not necessarily related to advanced academics.
I completely agree. As a homeschool parent and former volunteer homeschool board chair, I believe it is important for parents to understand that while you can customize your homeschool setting for your child's individual needs, you cannot expect your homeschool group to do the same.